Not being social.
I realized in my 40’s that my parents were wrong. You don’t actually have to be social butterfly to be happy.
I’m missing the need for social interaction. World didn’t end. I’m completely happy without it and there are plenty of jobs that don’t extensively need it.
So liberating. No amount of therapy really helped on the inside. It was all just pretending.
Lived in a dorm for 5 years while studying. Makes you confront that anxiety quite often and eventually you get more comfortable.
Basically exposure therapy :P
Therapy and making my peace with the past. Like working through it and then actively deciding to focus on the present from now on. This video actually kicked off my healing process.
Propranolol
Self-criticism fueled my anxiety and depression. Compassion and acceptance have significantly improved my well-being.
Moving to a walkable city. Turns out I just hate cars and I hated the fact that I had to drive to have any sort of social gathering.
A mixture of practice, and genuinely not caring what the outcome is.
Making a fool of myself on purpose and laughing along. Karaoke bars, stand-up comedy open mic nights, improv theater.
It helps you see that people can’t really see behind each other’s “mask” all that well. All confidence is made up, so play along and it just sort of materializes.
Another way to do that is to try and become fluent in a new language. You build a different persona for each language you use, so might as well become confident in the new one on purpose.
Either medication, or getting a job working with the general public.
Edit: the job acting basically as exposure therapy helped more but I may not have been able to get it if I hadn’t started meds.
Everything’s related.
The are many potential reasons for Social Anxiety, but for most tend to exaggerate enormously what other think of ourselves and the truth is, no one cares much. One single public smile does more for you social skills than talking for three hours. For me the cure was “age” or, better yet, wisdom. Now, if you are inpatient, there are things that you can do to accelerate the cure before that… do get expose, open the window blinds more often and enjoy the sun and wave hi if someone checks you out… Look for activities where you can excuse the talk level like biking.
but for most tend to exaggerate enormously what other think of ourselves and the truth is, no one cares much.
This is true, but for most people with S.A.D. they were frequently exposed to people who DO care. Family for example constantly commenting on your looks and demenor can have a lasting impact on someone. I was lucky enough to become more rebelious and anti-conformist. but some like my SO, are constantly worried about what others think because its so engrained in them that the people around them are making snide comments to them or behind their backs.
For me, and what im trying to get her to understand. Is that “indifference” is paramount. Its a difficult thing to do but becoming indifferent to the opinions of others is way more powerful than attempting to believe something that isnt always true (that noone cares much). Truth is we are constantly surrounded by wierdos who take a single look at another person and make 1000 judgements.
I find it to be a way more powerful tool to just think about how sad they are, how lonely they must feel, how every foul word is likely a projection of their own lack of self worth. Shrug my shoulders and walk away. Sadly children are not given the opportunity to “walk away”. Especially in the case of parents and family.
This is 100% true and well said. One tick I use with myself and tell others is think of something embarrassing or bad about yourself.
Then come up with something embarrassing you remember about someone else you in the last 5 years. 9 times out of 10 they can’t remember anything. It shows the world is too busy reliving every mistake or rejection about themselves to even register anyone else.
Then I turn it around can you remember the last time you told yourself you did a good job. Then ask if they remember a time someone commented them or got called for doing a good job. Normally it’s the complete 180 on answers. If we took the time to call ourselves out for being awesome more and stopped holding on to those mistakes we mad when we were 20’s or hell 10s. We would believe a lot better off.
honestly, I like your perspective better, its way less depressing than how I normally view people. Its still sad to know that people dont praise eachother or themselves enough. but at least from your viewpoint the people I deemed weirdos are not the monsters I percieve. It gives everyone room to grow, Where as im generally more interested in myself. Praising others, Is definitely something I should work on.
I feel bad now, but when I see people practicing basic decency I generally see it as “the bare minimum”, When obviously thats not the case. Your perspective is very much appreciated, Thank you!
Then come up with something embarrassing you remember about someone else you in the last 5 years.
I’m honestly not trying to be nitpicky but I think you forgot a word because I’m not able to figure out what this sentence means. I’d like to know, because I like your comment!
Maybe but to clarify what I mean is try to remember something embarrassing happing about other people. Most people can’t give an answer. But they can easily remember something embarrassing happening to themselves.
Necessity. I didn’t have much of a support network so when mine got so bad I could no longer work I just let everything slide until I ended up homeless. At that point I absolutely had to go through all the motions and that means meeting a lot of people and pleading your case and so on.
Doing mutual aid
Walking the dog in the fresh air every day, meeting other people doing the same.
Sleep and ssris
Not caring. When I was younger I used to stress out because I was concerned about peoples opinions, not fitting in, or doing something stupid and giving others the wrong impressions of me. As a result I came off as shy until I got comfortable around someone. (Then you couldn’t shut me up). Now as I’m getting older, I really don’t care much about some random persons opinion and will often talk to anyone I run into. (Even if it’s just a simple “Hello,” or “How’s it going?” It’s like we all have a little social egg shell around us sometimes that needs a tap or two to crack open. As an aside, you will meet some pretty interesting people too.)
And at the end of the day, it’s what YOU think of you that matters, no one else. Just be the best you that you can be, and don’t fret the little things. If someone doesn’t like you for that, it’s their loss and they’re missing out on all your gloriousness.
